Flip-Flop for Failure

I used to own a comic book store called RIOT comics + culture. Some of you have heard of it. Most of you have not (and I don’t blame you…it was fun and all, but it certainly didn’t change anyone’s life). Why did I open the store? Because I like comic books. Learned how to read with comics. Been collecting them for more than 25 years.

But I haven’t always felt the same way about them. I’ve had varying opinions and positions on the companies, the characters, the plotlines…pretty much all aspects of the industry. And that should have been the proverbial “lightbulb over the head” for me when I decided to open the store.

If you can’t commit to one thing completely, then don’t do it at all. Half-assed doesn’t cut it in much of anything today. Except maybe being lazy. But who’s to judge?

Now I work in politics. In fact, I’m writing this from DC where I’m attending a government communications conference. DC is the Mecca of politics. Kinda like Hollywood is the Mecca of celebrity. This place is the Mecca of people who enjoy oversized crosses. Or, you know, Mecca is the…uh…Mecca…of…well…

As you must know by now, since it’s been hammered down our throats for the last few months, there’s an election coming up next year. Supposed to be a big one. And I know, when you think “election” you think “which one of these dudes is going to screw up first?” and, given today’s social landscape and our need for instant gratification, that’s a perfectly reasonable response.

Unfortunately, much like I changed my opinions on comics, politicians are guilty of similar “flip-flopping” (Though, I’m assuming, not about comic books. Every politician I’ve ever talked to loves Green Lantern.).

John Edwards rallies for the poor while living in a huge mansion and getting haircuts that cost more than my car. John McCain labeled himself (which is always a bad sign) as the maverick candidate back in 2000. When that didn’t work, he bent over for the loonies at Bob Jones University. And now, with the wheels falling off his rapidly descending campaign, he tries to remake himself again. Mitt Romney is pro-abortion rights and pro-gay marriage until it doesn’t serve him to be. Now’s he’s the “conscious conservative.” Bush was, supposedly, a “uniter” not a “divider,” and yet our political scene has never been so partisan.

Some call it “targeting your message.” I call it hypocrisy. Just because you say something doesn’t make it true. I could say I’m the world’s greatest lover, but that…well, that’s a bad example. I could say I’m unattractive and stupid, but that doesn’t make everyone believe it. Sometimes you can’t cover up the truth because it glows brighter than E.T.’s finger.

Look at Fred Thompson. The promised savior of the conservative cause. It comes out that he lobbied for a pro-choice group. He says he doesn’t remember doing it. Okay then, never mind. Our fault.

What the hell kind of Jedi mind trick is that? Of course it doesn’t matter in the long run because most people just go by what they hear or see on TV. And Fred Thompson played an amiable yet tough character on Law & Order. So he’s obviously like that in real life too. Right?

It brings me back to comics. The whole perception versus reality angle (I know, I know, comics aren’t real, but pretend to follow along). Spider-Man was created in the early Sixties. As part of his schtick, he had “web shooters,” these contraptions that he created to help him fire Silly String from his wrists. The concept played into the fact that his alter ego, Peter Parker, was a smarty pants scientist. Perfect. And it stayed that way for forty years.

Then, when putting together a blockbuster film based on the character, director Sam Raimi (or the writers or Sony Pictures) decided it would be a cooler visual if, as part of his transformation after the radioactive spider bites him, Spider-Man grows “organic” web shooters.

Now, let’s put aside the fact that spiders shoot webs out of their asses (not a pretty movie visual), and focus on the fact that the whole mythos of Spider-Man has now flip-flopped. To make matters worse, the comics come up with some convoluted, instantly forgettable plotline to add the organic element to their continuity.

I can see the press conference years later:

REPORTER: Spider-Man, is it true that you once had artificial web shooters?

SPIDER-MAN: No. That’s crazy.

REPORTER: Really? Because we have, like, forty years worth of pictures and stories to prove it.

SPIDER-MAN: Oh. I forget.

And don’t even get me started on the whole “we hired a blonde to play the redheaded Mary Jane and then hired a redhead to play the blonde Gwen Stacy.” Or Willem Dafoe’s knight-in-creepy-armor Green Goblin. Or Emo Peter Parker. Ugh.

And, yes, you can build a pretty convincing argument about the need to tweak things for a specific audience. Reading a comic book is not the same experience as watching a movie and it shouldn’t be. The history needs to happen quicker in films, the action needs to be action-y and not just static on a page. I’ll give you that. One point for you. Huzzah!

But how do you explain the need for the comics to kowtow to the newly established “truth” of the film? Or for that matter, ignore the films altogether and just think of the goofy flip-flopping they do in comics. Superman died. No wait, Superman has returned but he’s actually four different people. Oh sorry, those weren’t Superman. Superman was actually turned into blue and red energy. Or not. Then he was combined back into Superman (with a mullet). Or was that a Superman from a different dimension? I don’t know what you’re talking about…Superman NEVER died.

The life-and-death thing is the comic equivalent of political flip-flopping…writing a story to fit your momentary needs and please your current audience. Happens all the time. No one will ever remember the little stuff, right? Small tweaks in an origin that end up rewriting decades of history. Deaths with inexplicable reappearances (again and again). Convenient memory wipes to cleanse ugly relationships. Parents who turned out to be robots, or aliens, or alien robots from the future. Can anyone clearly explain the backstory of Hawkman? Or Supergirl?

That kind of flip-flopping accounts for some of the disillusion infiltrating the comic marketplace. And it’s obviously the tentpole of frustration in the political world.

But yeah. Honestly? I’ve always loved Spider-Man’s organic web shooters.

And John McCain.