Salt Lake City, UT (DBJ) – Last night, Jason Chaffetz, a first-time candidate and former chief of staff to Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman, defeated incumbent GOP Congressman Chris Cannon in a primary that was less than competitive. Chaffetz won the contest by 20 percentage points over a stunned Cannon after being outspent and having absolutely no ground game.
The newly minted GOP nominee places all of his success on the dual facts that he was a placekicker for the BYU football team a long time ago and that he promised to “smack the crap out of Washington” with his enormous right hand.
When contacted for a comment, the embarrassed Cannon merely replied, “You’ve gotta hand it to him. He grabbed victory and held on tight…with that gigantic mitt of his.”
