Chapter 17

In the midst of writing a novel. Haven’t worked up the simple explanation for its premise. Talking in staccato phrases in an attempt to seem busy.

Yes. I’m back, up and running on the blog. I have been miraculously injected with inspiration to not die a horrible, unfufilled death in a government-sponsored cubicle. Therefore, I am working somewhat diligently on my first novel. I’m also considering publishing a book of all my hilarious Twitter posts, tentatively called “I’m Sorry Almost All of These Pages Are Blank.”

Until then, since at least 2 or 3 people have shown limited interest in my endeavor, I’m going to subject all of you to a brief sample of the ongoing book. Here is Chapter 17, in which our hero and his new friend have gotten drunk and are now being confronted by the hero’s sorta sidekick and the daughter of the friend, who is sorta the sorta sidekick’s girlfriend, about the fact that the bad guys are in town for some nefarious reason.

Trust me, it makes even less sense in context. Enjoy…

“Shut up,” growled Parker. He was slightly out of breath after spending the last half hour searching every drinking hole in the vicinity of the trade center for his inebriated friend. It wasn’t until he heard Disco and Ferris warbling a murderous rendition of “Go Tell It On the Mountain” that he knew where to find them.

“Did you make kissy face? Did you?” Disco asked, his voice shrill and somewhat slurred. “I’ll bet you made kissy face. You did. My little boy is all grown up.”

Ferris had his forehead resting on the plain wooden table that was riddled with empty glass jars. He giggled uncontrollably each time Disco said the word ‘kissy.’

The two of them were slumped in the corner booth of a tiny bar off an alley in downtown Turbine City. In fact, to call it a bar would be insulting to other bars. This structure was more like a walk-in closet with bottle service. The entire place was about the size of a typical family’s dining room.

Sure, there was technically a bar. It took up one whole wall and was comprised of a diving board, salvaged from someone’s backyard pool, bolted onto two sets of bookshelves. The man tending bar was an old Asian fellow with long, stringy grey hair and deep-set eyes. There were four barstools and two tables and if you stood between the tables and stretched your arms out, you could touch the opposing walls at the same time.

Parker hunched over the table, his palms resting between some of the glass jars and his cheeks getting redder and redder, as he waited for Disco to shut up.

“Parker and Betty, sitting near the sky,” Disco sang too loudly, “K-I-S-S-uhhm-S-S-Y!”

Ferris’s body trembled as he giggled again into the tabletop.

“Are you done yet?” Parker demanded.

“Ooh. Somebody’s embarrassed. It’s okay, buddy. I was embarrassed my first time too.” Disco continued, “Are you sad? Do you want a hug? Ferris, do you want to give Parker a hug?”

Ferris lifted his head slightly and stared at Parker’s hands. He blinked twice, smiled broadly, and dropped his forehead back onto the table with a muffled thud.

“Disco, I know you have to bust his chops, and that’s fine.” Betty said. “But can you listen for a second?”

“Betty, Betty, Betty.” Disco replied, then he paused and just stared at her for seven or eight seconds. Finally, he turned his head slowly back to Parker and said, “Kissy face?”

Ferris pounded the table with his right fist and just kept giggling.

“Rix is here.” Parker blurted.

Disco went quiet and a look of sudden recognition spread across his face. He looked down at an empty glass jar as if searching for the right word to use to identify it to a foreigner. “Okay. Wait a second, okay?” he began. “Just a second, okay? Just wait a second. Then wait. Okay. What?”

Parker sighed and looked around the bar to see if anyone else was witnessing this strange scene. The bartender quietly cleaned an empty jar and stared at their booth. Everyone else had cleared out once Betty and Parker arrived.

“Rix is here.” Parker repeated. “In town. He was meeting with the mayor at some sort of waste treatment plant a few blocks from here.”

“Don’t make no sense.” Ferris said to the floor under the booth.

“Yeah,” Disco agreed, “why or how would SHINE be in Turbine City?”

“We need to find out.” Parker hissed, leaning in closer. “This could be big. Could be a very big thing.”

Disco stood up, sort of. He rose to his feet and drifted back against the wall of the bar, but didn’t slide back down. He just stuck there like a napkin to the bottom of a damp glass. “Okay. Fine. Let’s go.”

“You can’t be serious.” Betty said. “How many drinks have you had?”

“Enough.”

“You’re drunk.”

“And you’re very pretty.” Disco replied, confidently. Then he turned to Parker. “Don’t you think she’s very pretty, Parker? Don’t you? Don’t you just want to go kissy-kissy on her face?”

Ferris laughed quietly.

“Dad?” Betty pleaded.

Ferris raised his head, completely this time, and looked into his daughter’s eyes. He slowly nodded his head and appeared to clear his mind and acknowledge what had to be done. Then, of course, he just burst out laughing again.

“This is ridiculous.” Parker grunted.

“I’m fine,” announced Disco. “Come on.”

“Yeah,” Ferris added, “we’ll take care of it. You kids go back to doing whatever it was you were doing.”

He and Disco looked at each other and struggled to stifle a laugh.

“No, no ,no.” Ferris said. “We’re just kidding. We’re fine. Really. You kids don’t need to be getting in any kind of trouble. I’m the dad here. I’ll take the lead. Give Disco some muscle.”

“Disco?” Parker spat. “He can barely stand up.”

“Shush now.” Ferris cooed. “Boy, you’ve got a skull full of fire for these SHINE folk. They know your face too well.”

“Yeah,” added Disco, poking himself in the nose with his own index finger, “shush now.”

Parker’s face went blank and his eyes darted to Betty who just smiled weakly and shrugged.

“It’s the treatment facility by that parking garage on west side.” Betty said.

“Okay, okay.” Ferris replied, waving his arms up and down as if attempting to quiet a nonexistent crowd. “Come here, boy,” he said, as he pawed Parker’s neck. He pulled Parker in and gave him a big hug.

“I knew you wanted to hug him.” Disco said, steadying himself and reaching into his bag to pull out the lion helmet.

“I did,” said Ferris, suddenly choked up. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m happy.”

“Okay.” Parker said, trying to pull away.

“You’re a good kid, Parker. You’re good for my little girl. And I feel real bad that I wanted Ronnie to kill you.” Ferris blubbered. “Sorry about that.”

“We’re good, sir.”

“Let him go, daddy,” said Betty.

Disco put the lion helmet on his head and suddenly slammed his fist into the wall. The volume of the echo surprised even him. “Sorry, Kim!” he yelled to the bartender, who silently shook his head and kept working.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” Parker said, pointing at Disco.

“Stupid?” asked Disco. “Stupid? Okay, hold on just a second. Okay? Just hold on there. Mr. Revenge. Mr. Shotgun. Mr. Shoeless. Okay? Just hold on a second.” Disco paused and scratched his head. “What was I talking about?”

“Finding out what Rix is up to,” answered Betty.

“Yes!” screamed Ferris, as he released his grip on Parker, “We will do that.”

“Great,” said Parker, who then looked at Betty and shrugged.

“We’ll stay here until you get back,” said Betty.

“Yes. You will do that.” Ferris replied.

Disco growled loudly for no apparent reason.

“Okay then,” said Parker.

The four of them stood and stared at each other as the yellow lights of the bar flickered ever so slightly and the distant hum of generators flowed through the otherwise stale air.

“You should probably go.” Parker finally said, impatiently.

“Kissy face,” replied Disco, smirking. 

And, scene. It doesn’t get much better than that.

Seriously. It doesn’t.