You know what I love? I love people who butcher the English language with complete ignorance. I love people who say a word that they think means a certain thing, but it’s not actually the right word…like, it’s usually off by a syllable or a vowel or an entire vocabulary. And I love it even more when those people have children and the children are the ones who are being taught this horrible speech pattern. Hereditary stupidity.
For instance, I was at the grocery store today, trying to find a reliable cleanser to remove a large amount of blood from the walls (and part of a ceiling) of my home, when I overheard this quaint conversation between a father and his young son:
DAD: Cole, did you felch one of daddy’s cookies?
DAD: I dunno, Cole. I’m looking at what’s left in here and it looks like someone felched one of them.
Now, first of all, who the hell names their kid Cole? I thought that was just a name inherited by NASCAR drivers and country singers who wear leather jackets in an attempt to be edgy. Are there actual babies with this name?
Secondly, unless the kid is sucking cookies out of your ass, I’m pretty sure you meant to say FILCH. Next time, try something easier, Wordsworth…like PILFER.
But that’s not why I called you here today. No, the truth of the matter is that I’m irritated. I know that’s a stretch for me. I’m usually so centered and ambivalent. However, I witnessed something surprising last night and then I read about that something’s even more bizarre resolution this morning.
What am I talking about? House.
Do you watch the show? I don’t really care if you do or not, it’s rather beside the point. It’s not like we’re going to make some sudden connection over the finer points of medical weirdness and go skipping off together through the meadows. I guess I’ll have to give a recap of the relevant bits for those of you who aren’t so attuned to the universe and its intricacies.
See, House is about this curmudgeonly doctor who hates everyone and everything. He has a miraculous ability (demonstrated at the crescendo of every single freaking episode) to take these impossible-to-crack cases and suddenly solve them merely by someone saying something that clicks in his mind. He then stares off-camera, slightly down and to the right, for a few seconds and then everything is great again.
The show is insanely repetitive and follows the same general pattern of most weekly dramas: the dreaded “villain of the week” motif. I usually hate shows that are set up like this. It’s like listening to a string of one hit wonders that don’t even have a catchy chorus among them. The only reason I really watch this show is because Hugh Laurie (who holds the role of Dr. House) plays such an elegant dick. His character is an atrocious human being, but his verbal cuts and jabs are spot on.
Again, this is all beside the point. What I really want to tell you is that Kal Penn was a cast member on this show for the past two seasons. Kal Penn is a pretty good actor, playing mostly parts that have something to do with the fact that he’s Indian. He’s been in a bunch of stuff that, if you’re a regular reader of the blog, you’ve probably seen…two Van Wilder movies, a bit part in Superman Returns, Malibu’s Most Wanted, Son of the Mask, and three stoner-perfect turns as Kumar in the burnout classic Harold & Kumar series.
Well, it turns out that Mr. Kal Penn has given up acting to join the Obama administration. And I say more power to him. Sort of.
Look, I have to admit that I’m a bit jealous. I was a big Obama supporter. I’m currently unemployed. And I sent my resume into change.gov and never heard a peep back from them.
And I don’t want to take anything away from Mr. Penn. He’s the first truly successful Indian-American actor. He taught a few Cinema Studies classes at the University of Pennsylvania. And, let’s face it, he’s more famous than me (barely).
No, what really irks me is the fact that the writers of House had Penn’s character commit suicide last night as a way of writing him off the show. What kind of message does that send to our children?
“Hey kids, if you go to college with Ryan Reynolds, smoke a lot of dope and then kill yourself, you too can work for the federal government!”
So confusing for our young, impressionable minds.
Ahh…I’d make jokes about electing an actor president, but the country already lived that joke. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.