Can I Tell Your Congregation How A Resurrection Really Feels?

Fade in.

The backyard of a jubilant family barbecue. Rows of picnic tables line the scene, topped with traditional red-checkered tablecloths. Relatives, both young and old, mill about, talking and laughing. Camera pans across the yard to show just how big the festive scene really is. There’s a swimming pool with kids jumping in and adults playing a rousing game of volleyball. An older woman walks across frame, carrying a large bowl of macaroni salad. There’s even a large banner hung on the tall wooden fence framing the yard. It reads “2009 Walker Family Reunion.”

Cut to medium shot of a man working his magic at the grill. He’s dressed casually and looks like the typical “dad.” He’s wearing a white apron and twirling a set of tongs in his hand. Two small children, one girl and one boy, approach him.

Cut to closeup of kids, their bright faces beam with hope and love. They hold out plates filled with potato chips, cut veggies and…empty buns.

GIRL: Daddy, can we eat yet?

Cut to closeup of dad, smiling. He points the tongs at his cute little daughter.

DAD: In a second, pumpkin. Daddy just needs to season the meat!

Cut back to kids.

KIDS: Hooray!

Back to medium shot of dad as he reaches for a salt shaker resting on the prep table next to his grill. Tighten on salt shaker as his hand reaches closer for it. Closer. Closer. All we see are the words KOSHER SALT rapidly being obscured by his hand.

As his hand touches the shaker, a sudden demonic growl tears through the scene. There’s a rumbling as he lifts the shaker from the table. The noise, like a thousand galloping horses builds and builds as the shaker gets nearer to the grill and the sizzling meat. Back to a full shot of the picnic scene, but now in slow motion. As the camera pans the happy crowd, single frames are inter-spliced with the scene…frames of Biblical woodcut-like drawings depicting pain and suffering and utter torture, bathed in red light.

From out of nowhere, the wooden fence at the back of the yard bursts open, splintering wildly, and a battalion of armored knights pours through, maces and swords swinging haphazardly through the crowd.

Cut back to closeup of dad and grill. Dad is oblivious to the ensuing chaos and continues to shake his kosher salt onto the burgers and dogs.

Cut to shots of family members being mercilessly dismembered. Tables are trampled and some are set on fire, burning dark, acrid smoke. People are running and flailing everywhere. One older man falls into the frame, his eyes plucked from his skull and deep rivulets of blood pouring down his hollowed cheeks. Bodies float in the now red-tinged swimming pool. A paladin on horseback gallops through, smashing the spine of a woman cowering over her slumbering infant.

Cut back to medium shot of dad and kids at grill. Just as dad sets his salt shaker back down on the prep table, a hulking figure in gleaming silver armor takes his head off with a single swing of his mighty warhammer.

Cut to closeup of kids standing with mouths agape. A veritable bucketful of blood splashes across their faces and torsos as they watch in horror.

Cut to tight shot of red-checkered tabletop. This is the beauty shot. A succulent, steaming steak sits on a plate beside a heaping pile of fresh salad and a perfectly loaded baked potato. In the blurred background, we can still witness the picnic carnage. An armored hand enters the frame and slams down a very different salt shaker, its label smeared with gore. A lilting harpsichord tune begins to play over the bedlam and a friendly announcer chimes in…

ANNOUNCER: Christian Salt. The Flavor Crusader!

Fade to black.

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