Pictures Of Ten Famous People I’ve Met And The First Impression I Had Of Each One

1. Bruce Campbell – Star of Evil Dead movies and a friend of Sam Raimi. I met him while he was doing a tour in support of his first book. He actually drives one of the VW Beetles from the Herbie flicks.

First Impression – Bruce Campbell has a very large noggin.

2. Tia Carrere – Costar of both Wayne’s World films and an alumna of Dancing With the Stars. I was actually an extra in one of her direct-to-video movies. During lunch I sat next to her.

First Impression – Wow, Tia Carrere is taller than I imagined.

3. Francis Ford Coppola – Director of such important movies as Apocalypse Now, The Godfather trilogy and…uh…Peggy Sue Got Married. My wife and I met Mr. Coppola outside of his winery in Napa Valley.

First Impression – Francis Ford Coppola is kind of a dick.

4. Robin Leach – Former host of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous and most recently seen on VH1’s The Surreal Life. For some reason, Mr. Leach always showed up at the parties I was invited to in Las Vegas.

First Impression – Robin leach is an overweight, greasy pervert.

5. Phish – Hippie band. Technically more than one person, but I did meet them all at once. I was producing some PSAs for a radio station, when the band came into the studio for an interview.

First Impression – Phish stinks. Seriously, they smell really bad.

6. Henry Rollins – Former lead singer of Black Flag, noted author and revolutionary. I met Henry backstage at a Beastie Boys/Cypress Hill/Rollins Band gig. He was telling a story about not liking Miami because you couldn’t tell when the violence was coming.

First Impression – Henry Rollins seems quite on edge, perhaps even paranoid.

7. Pauly Shore – Comedian, actor and former staple on early-90’s MTV. Most famous for appearing in a film with Andy Dick and not punching him in the face. I met Pauly Shore when I had to interview him before one of his comedy concerts.

First Impressions – Judging by the bloodshot eyes and low-key confusion, I’m confident that Pauly Shore is quite high.

8. Alex Winter – Played the non-Keanu part in the Bill & Ted movies, a thug in Death Wish 3 and a vampire in Lost Boys. Also known for his work on MTV’s famed Idiot Box series. Alex recently directed a live-action movie for the kids’ show Ben 10. I met Alex when he was selected to direct some television commercials that I had written.

First Impression – Alex Winter doesn’t look like he would appreciate me asking about Keanu Reeves.

9. Rita Rudner – Comedienne and Las Vegas resident. I met her while producing as radio commercial for one of her many appearances in Las Vegas.

First Impression – Rita Rudner doesn’t seem to be able to make a decision on her own.

10. Traci Lords – I think we all know what Ms. Lords is famous for, don’t we? I met her while she was doing a college speaking tour about her life and how to avoid being a personal mess. I interviewed her after her presentation and had my picture taken with her, but then my friend’s camera got stolen.

First Impression – I believe Traci Lords is disappointed that the audience is 100% male.